How to hide my stash?

October 11, 2009 at 11:42 pm | Posted in From the Ravelry stash, You and your knitting | 1 Comment
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Woodstock hadnt noticed a thing

Woodstock hadn't noticed a thing

This week I answer a question I know all of us yarn-junkies are twitching to know the answer to, from one of our dear Ravelites:

Dear Gerty,
How do I continue to feed my yarn habit and keep the ever-growing stash hidden from my boyfriend? I am running out of room for both in the flat. I really do want to keep both of them, but one day there will be an explosion from my vacuum bag packed yarn and we will both be lost in a knotty web forever.
Many thanks
Hippolyra

Well Hippolyra, my dear, what are we going to do with you. Your yarn habit is taking over your humble abode and you are on the verge of causing a yarn-based apocalypse or, worse still, drowing the one you love in wool.

The solution is really very simple: the yarn-ball pet.

Here is what you do: pop out to the nearest pet shop and buy yourself a hamster cage, in the cage place a couple of balls of yarn. Voila, the yarn balls become beasts. Remember to carefully empty and refill their food and water dishes at intervals to keep up the charade. Chocolate-covered raisins make excellent fake pet poo.

As your stash grows so can your pet. After a trip to a yarn sale you may want to purchase a litter tray and catnip toy for the yarn-cat look, or grab a collar, lead and frisbee and place your stash in a basket by the fireside for the ultimate in convincing yarn hound.

If things get really out of hand there are stables that can be hired in which your yarn-horse can be housed.

You’re not buying more yarn, Hippolyra, you’re adding a four-legged friend to your household. Admittedly it won’t fetch, purr or run on its wheel but with enough work on your part you could house an entire yarn menagerie without your partner suspecting a thing, and with less cleaning up after than a real beast. Everyone is a winner.

Cat cleavage denial

October 11, 2009 at 11:35 pm | Posted in From the Ravelry stash | Leave a comment
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Something very wrong

Something very wrong

Another perplexed Raveler picks Gerty’s woolly brains.
Dear Aunty Gerty
Welcome to Stitch and Bitch London.
I am worried that people thing I am my Ravatar and actually do have Miss kitty Woo living in my chest – how can I convince them otherwise?
Missknittywoo

Ah Miss Woo, you could let the cat out of the cag(ool), and stop taking Miss kitty  Woo out zipped up in your jumper.

Or embrace the look and get a paper mask to look like your avatar. You never know, you could start a trend. Soon tottering supermodels and stumbling drug-addled big-haired stars would be tottering down the catwalk and falling out of limos with a moggie welded to their chests in vain attempt to get the ‘cat escaping from cleavage look’.

Incogknito yarn

Incogknito yarn

P.S. Are you related to Robin the giant ball of DK perchance?

We don’t talk about that side of the family.

Knitting time travel?

October 11, 2009 at 11:14 pm | Posted in From the Ravelry stash, You and your knitting | 1 Comment
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The Doctor appreciates a fine scarf

The Doctor appreciates a fine scarf

A question from one of our S&B London Ravellers gets Gerty thinking about sonic screwdrivers…

Hello Aunty Gerty.
Would you like some cake ? I have a question for you. How can I make more time for knitting?
Alpacaaddict

Hello AlpacaAddict and thank you for your question. A tricky one.

You have several options to make sure you have ample time to get your knit on:

a. The practical option – Give up housework and live like a slattern. Cockroaches may scuttle across your scummy surfaces, mice may make nests in your stash, and spiders may make cobwebs on your unused crochet hooks but what will you care when you have a fine knitted garment to take out on the town?

b. Lure passersby off the street using a friendly alpaca and cake spiked with obedience potion, then use them to do all the housework. Lots of knitting time and someone to make you cups of tea while you do so.


c. Find yourself a Time Lord and marry him. The tardis will take you wherever you want to go and they’re always rather dashing chaps to boot.

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